i hope you had sweet dreams

what is magic but the realest of realities, no trickery.
today, little is needed to convince me how powerful the mind is, it's enough that i see myself going down on someone ive been pining for so long in what a lay man calls a dream. i remember laying my head on her neck and just fell asleep and feeling this is all i need and how it's enough for me to cleanse her of all the pain and hurt that i had left behind. and it's enough too, that i know the world is behind the window, behind this dream and the warmth is inside me. a dream it is, but it does not vanish when i close my eyes.

it has been a slow day, feeling the year that ive lived, feeling it still tingle as i reminisced the scent of the long forsaken yesterdays. in the middle of struggling to wake up from a dream so real, i suddenly realize how light and yet heavy i feel. how much baggage there is in this year, and how much or how little of those things remains with me now. ive lost a few friends, a lover, a soul mate but i did not lose love, ive lose my pride but ive not lose joy nor faith. what remains are truly things that may be forgotten but not lost, things that balance the weight of my trivial worries with their infinite weightlessness. im all right now despite and because of this.

ive a lot of goodness remains in me. good pictures, good times, hands that once were in mine, smiles on my lips and on the lips of others, and even tears. frightful tears and those hands that wiped them away, the pillows with my scent, the bedsheet with your blood, the silences that was deafening to the mind and heart, words exchanged. having lived it all through this year, having all that is, how could i grieve for what is not.

and i know some day, i will take joy in what will be but today, i shall take joy in what is.