there have been an immense need to write for the past few days, perhaps to make up for the lack of words over the last few months. i have stopped writing, not because i no longer live, nor think, nor process. i suppose, i stopped because i usually can't find the appropriate words to define my thoughts. and when i reckoned that i could, i let and watched the moment slipped. but today, this afternoon, i will make it known, watch my words form, and feel my heart skip a beat as they materialise.
sept, october, november were dramatic in a i really don't think i could go on working sort of way. i like my job. but i don't fancy the people and the situations i always find myself in. accusations, backstabbing and all those silly office politicking games come and won't go away. people need to cut each other some slack and be made aware that they will only go this far with fake distance learning degrees and inadequate amount of ethics and morals. i get so worn out thinking about work, more so, working. i'm too young to be burnt out like that. it too, baffles me that a co-worker of a certain skin color whom i was bestowed the utmost misfortune to travel with for work think it'd be a-ok to say to me that, singapore is after all, very asian if you bother to dig deep into its cosmopolitan shell. what did he think he'd find, very italian or, very mexican.
people.
december, however, has been slow, and mostly lazy. december is also about empty gazes and forlorn wantings to apologise for past hurts, mistakes, lies, abandonments, and for the person i used to be. the sighting of acquaintances known for years, the familiar faces and profiles of ex-lovers on certain networking community can be too much of a pain to handle. they weren't the ones who walked out. i, mostly did. and sometimes, like now, when i feel like picking up from where we left it, i didn't think it's possible, no more. and it is this exact awareness that hurts. knowing that it is not possible and having to just move on carrying the burden without being able to redeem yourself. but, that's just how it is, isn't it. a cycle.
i want, 2007 to be the end of that very cycle.
i've hopes, still, for better blue skies days.
and, you are still fantastically loved. so are, friends who are like family.
sept, october, november were dramatic in a i really don't think i could go on working sort of way. i like my job. but i don't fancy the people and the situations i always find myself in. accusations, backstabbing and all those silly office politicking games come and won't go away. people need to cut each other some slack and be made aware that they will only go this far with fake distance learning degrees and inadequate amount of ethics and morals. i get so worn out thinking about work, more so, working. i'm too young to be burnt out like that. it too, baffles me that a co-worker of a certain skin color whom i was bestowed the utmost misfortune to travel with for work think it'd be a-ok to say to me that, singapore is after all, very asian if you bother to dig deep into its cosmopolitan shell. what did he think he'd find, very italian or, very mexican.
people.
december, however, has been slow, and mostly lazy. december is also about empty gazes and forlorn wantings to apologise for past hurts, mistakes, lies, abandonments, and for the person i used to be. the sighting of acquaintances known for years, the familiar faces and profiles of ex-lovers on certain networking community can be too much of a pain to handle. they weren't the ones who walked out. i, mostly did. and sometimes, like now, when i feel like picking up from where we left it, i didn't think it's possible, no more. and it is this exact awareness that hurts. knowing that it is not possible and having to just move on carrying the burden without being able to redeem yourself. but, that's just how it is, isn't it. a cycle.
i want, 2007 to be the end of that very cycle.
i've hopes, still, for better blue skies days.
and, you are still fantastically loved. so are, friends who are like family.
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