i don't know why i am feeling all silly over the entire notion of friendship.
as related to weber (whose groundedness has put me to shame, not once, not twice but throughout our entire existence), in recent years, i have wanted nothing more but being sincere to people whom i care for because truth be told, i failed at sincerity 101 couple of years back. i was possibly the biggest let-down ever to some people. and that, i am not proud. so really, these days, i want to keep it real so bad that it's exploding in my face. while i maintain that i am teaching myself that expectations are really bad and essentially dangerous to one's mental well-being, i can't exactly help but to still form those little thought-bubbles in my head, oh he should, she should, they should, if only because we are friends, average friends, above average friends, great friends, mates, soul-mates, buddies, sistahs. but of course, i do not verbalise these expectations so when a particular person (whom has the misfortune of being tagged with an invisible expectation) failed to meet said little thought bubbles (also known as exdirtypectations), i am inevitably affected and thus, upset. and i recognise that this is really my own-doing because, it just is. but, facing the person next time round, can just be a little hard until i get over the not so pretty feelings. and it's not fair, because being an emotional being, i channel my innermost vibes right onto my face. and this can't be good. but really, when you do good (to someone), do you expect the same someone to do good back to you. or you just sit around and watch the clouds form WOW.
such mixed feelings.
this is absolutely, juvenile but yet so very real.
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