a little peace of mind

2008 started with a bang. and a slightly talked about kiss.
well, almost. for the bang part.

"that job" which i once (for most days during the month of december in 2007) envisioned myself to be excelling at, a platform, a pathway to attaining professional success and immense personal satisfaction has turned out to be, unfortunately, a scam. a trap. a downward spiral to almost nowhere. and, most piercingly, it has become "that job".

a job.

and truthfully, i'm not taking it too well. because, if anything, this makes me miss the old place even more. and walking away from that old place was never easy to begin with. and now that my decision to leave has been proven to be such a mess and quite of a joke, at least to myself, my poor poor heart just can't handle it.

the lack of a clear direction with regards to my career bothers me to such an extent that i can't think clearly and this is becoming a problem between my communication and behaviour with eng, who has been bearing the brunt of my intense grouchiness. i wish this isn't the case and i know this shouldn't be the case, especially when eng has been nothing but being totally understanding, sweet, loving and supportive. what have i done to deserve her, really.

brace up, buck up.
and wow, still breathing and waiting for 2008 to be nothing less than brilliant.
really.
really.