everything in its right place

today feels like i'm stuck in a time warp.

i woke up to friends calling me on my phone, old friends.
one asking for help, one asking how i've been. and i woke up, feeling the need to seek love, so i dialed the number. and found love. after which, i sat and quietened down, without my glasses, i wrote to people whom i care about, updating them of my life. it was one long email and one short note to let them know i miss them. i wrote, and i wrote.

my parents came home with a packet of vegetarian beehoon. i ate and watched taiwanese variety show on channel 8, like how sundays should be. and my niece on the other seat, all sprawled out, concentrating, occasionally letting out chuckles. except that i didn't use to have a niece, i thought. and the phone rang, my mother's phone. someone was talking loudly. my mother was visibly annoyed. it was my sister in law asking for tortoise feed and otah. random. my mother frowned and hung up.

and i'm back in my room, listening to radiohead thinking about how i was once a teenager, loving radiohead and all the misery their songs would bring me because i thought i could identify. maybe nothing has changed. i'm still the same old me, pacing up and down but not moving ahead. but it is, not true of course. i guess your heart and mind could play tricks on you.

so, yes radiohead and today i am 17, perhaps 18. thinking i have no fears but misery.

what do i know. because the truth is, i'm not miserable, at all. but right now, at this instance, i'm 17, perhaps 18, thinking i have no fears but, misery.

don't leave me high.
don't leave me dry.

strange, it is.