last night was the degree show and while very excited to see the works of emerging artists, i was apprehensive about going.
mainly the nostalgia. i was worried i'd be hit in the face.
and it did.
as i walked on the grounds, i thought about the fun i used to have working at this place and the people, and the buzz of feeling simply quite alive, and the convenience of being so in touch with the happenings in the arts scene. this is the place to be, the warm bed for budding artists, creative exchanges, unexpected surprises.
the place i want/ed to be. but now, i'm merely, a visitor, walking slightly shyly, seeing people whom i used to work with, half wishing those that matter slightly would not see me as an ex colleague but someone more than that.
and i saw people whom i felt weren't fit to be in this place, breathing that special air, pretending to be the person they are not. it made me feel like a child, all ready to throw a tantrum and a fit. but, i didn't. instead, i walked past these very people, (two actually) with no polite hellos, no nodding of head, no acknowledgment. and momentarily, it was okay once again. because they do not exist.
there were many realisations last night and i'd have to try to remember.
there will always be people whom place you at the bottom of the their friends chart and you'll have to accept that and take whatever they say to you at face value. there will always be the pretentious fucks thriving around and you'll learn to embrace them because it makes life easier.
it's okay to look back sometimes but i'm somewhat glad i'm where i am now. between moments of walking around, looking at works and speaking with people, it dawned on me that, maybe it's better that i'm over this. the scene will most likely be always quite the same. everything changes and yet, nothing ever does. i miss my friends, i do and good conversations can happen everywhere with 1.20sgd green tea and not limited to places that sell 7.oosgd juices.
and surely, the most heartening realisation would be, there will always be free food at openings, do not eat your dinner prior.
1 comment:
I think you should continue pursuing your interests even though you are working in an entirely different industry. Don't be like me... sometimes I doubt if I can still draw. Haha. Always did love your photographs and your ideas!! Don't stop!
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