this is true

你知道嗎 聽你說話 我只需要聽你說話
在你的聲音中 安全的讓我害怕

... and i'm awake

this morning i wrote and then i stopped as i was getting too preoccupied by a mixture of the notes of miles davis' trumpet and how the rain sounded as it splashed against the tarmac.

almost like a noise in an empty vessel except that there was no empty vessel and it was more than a noise.

and before i could process the feeling i was experiencing, the fear of missing a meeting took over me and i proceeded to shower. and that was hard. because i was not ready to face the world.

like any other morning.

it did me good though, these showers, once the knob's turned and the first touch of cold water on my skin, it felt better, momentarily, and then i scrub my way into wanting the day to be fabulous, it works sometime and doesn't on others.

there's really no point in this except that certain mornings my longing for closeness scares me. and this morning in particularly, i miss pei. i really do.

and i sort of understand how it must be like for you to not want to move, because you will end up missing all your friends. like how i miss pei, v and many others who have long decided that the grass is greener and the moon is rounder elsewhere.

but.

nonetheless.

still wanting to be carefree. still thinking of those strange arts days. still thinking of those people.

and this sense of longing for closeness, continues, into this very evening.

now.