we always felt so good, together
the days just rolled on by
today i missed the big cities a lil more than usual.
especially the cold air, the i gotta stick my hands into my pockets kind. but those moments can wait i guess, till may.
been feeling somewhat pensive. more so after a chat with weber.
jacq and weber, they have lost their baby. i'm not sure how that feels really, for i have never experienced it, not that i'd like to. but, really, 27 and losing a baby. what's the deal mister someone up there?
we chatted for a long time, from the economic crisis to how we really really really don't feel our age. i remember most of the adventurous tales weber used to share with me when we were teenagers. i have always live vicariously through him. after all, he seems to have everything that i'd want and don't possess as yet. but our recent conversations, they have been nothing short of maturity and i'm not sure how i feel about them. while i appreciate that we have both grown and are now somewhat achieving better things in life, is it wrong that i'd really want my little brother back to talk shit over his mad love for the greatest love of his life whom really is a nothing but a fleeting mesmerising moment? it feels a little stabbingly sad to hear about the differences between him and his wife and how he felt like he had to conform. we are young and not quite so. the contradictions are blinding and yet awakening.
and this leaves me to ponder. what do i really want?
i doubt i can ever have a clear answer to that, but for now, am i happy? yes, i'd like to think so.
and i am grateful for this happiness which i can acknowledge and pen down about. it has never been easy for me to acknowledge happiness. in my warped mind, if i feel happy about life, that would have meant i'm contented and thus i'd eventually be complacent. but in recent times, i have often asked myself, is it wrong to be contented? why can't i be contented? i'm changing, i really am. my perspectives towards contentment and happiness are now vastly different from years back. and honest to goodness, i embrace this. it really makes living easier.
now, to keep this perspective close to heart.
onwards, we go.
