so i have applied for leave formally during this lunar new year period.
today was the first day and i have achieved next to nothing. not even a cat nap. quite frankly, i'm always not sure what to do during these off-days. do i go all out filling my day with activities or am i allowed to be a bum and vege out? who can tell me what's the appropriate way to behave. i sort of need to know. and today, while doing nothing, i have watched several interview clips of a singapore-born american author, googled her and read 2 short stories she wrote. while i was fascinated by her naturalised american accent, i couldn't help but to think about her whole being, her entire history. did she always know that she want to write? if not, when was that moment of eureka? did she struggle being a singaporean in the land of the free and did she struggle subsequently as an american? how is she liking austin- the new city she recently moved to? is she conscious that "we" might be judging? is she a quitter? does she like being a quitter? how does it feel being an overachiever? deep down in her heart, does she feel more singaporean than american? or is it the other way round?
so many questions.
essentially, i question because it gives me better clarity.
do i like myself? am i comfortable with myself? do i like this job? do i really want to spend my days agonising over people's incompetency? if not, what can i do? can i get out of this vicious cycle? am i enjoying myself? is it too late for a change in career? when can i leave? where will i be in the next 3 years? do i need a hair cut?
but what's the point of it all seriously.
so off i go, again, and again.
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